By Michael Fitzgerald Troy
With the current housewife craze thanks, in part, to the popularity of Desperate Housewives and subsequent Bravo reality rip-offs (The Real Housewives of fill-in-the-blank), we shan’t over look how wonderfully messed up the not-so-single ladies of the Marvel Universe are.
Invisible Woman: Most women lament that their husbands treat them as if they’re invisible, but mine takes the transparent cake. Not only does my husband treat me that way, he made me that way in a horrible test flight gone wrong! How do you like them apples? No wonder I wish I was sleeping with the fishes! Don’t worry, I’m far from suicidal; I’m talking about Namor, King of the Sea. Now there’s a can of chunky light albacore I’d like to open. If my husband can’t see me, let him smell me!
The Scarlet Witch: So I married an android! Maybe you’d feel a little desensitized if you and your twin brother were the secret offspring of one of the most notorious evil mutants in history and raised by a half cow woman and a gypsy spell caster on a mountain. Did I mention giving birth to imaginary twins and decimating the mutant population with an outcry of my out of control “hex” powers? You think you have problems!
Medusa: Most relationships have communication problems, but my marriage has THE communication problem. My husband hasn’t spoken to me ever! You see, his voice is super loud. I mean ridiculously loud. Like, if he burped it would level a mountain. Sigh. I mean he treats me like queen of the moon, but thank God for super long telekinetically controlled hair. Just sayin’! (Whatever that means!)
The Wasp: So, I’m the mosy famous battered woman since Tina Turner or Rihanna. I was a socialite before anyone knew what that was. I died. I might still be dead, but who can keep track? People judge me for getting back with a wife beater, but you may think differently if your husband could get as big as he wanted!
Mary Jane Watson-Parker: I may be super villains’ number one choice for hostage in the Marvel Universe – tortured, terrified, and threatened repeatedly – but it all paid off when I married my freak, nerd, underpaid photographer Peter. I’ve had to put up with his Aunt flat lining left and right amongst all kinds of b.s. Luckily, it was magically nullified, and we can make the same mistakes all over again and be none the wiser!
Storm: I’ll be your Queen, if you know what I mean. I get paid to do the wind thing. My hubby is busy running a country, so I play with the X-Men and The Avengers while he’s working. Does it seem impulsive that I married T’challa without much romance first? I am the woman who shows up with a Mohawk without so much as a “bangs” warning. And, he is like a panther after all. I hear thunder. I see lightning. The way he loves me is frightening.
Red She-Hulk: I Iived. I died. I lived again. It was better than Cats. My daddy hated my boyfriend, so after accidentally genetically turning himself into a raging violent monster, I married him. Daddy and I eventually bit the dust but then both came back as red “Hulks.” Isn’t it ironic? Don’t cha think?
No wonder I love these betches! ‘Till deathray do us part!
Michael Troy is a deeply superficial person. Born in the midwest in the ’70s, Michael came to Los Angeles to pursue his bi-polar career path as an actor and artist. 2005 saw the release of Michael’s first published book, Homo-Hero’s Big Book of Fun and Adventure (www.greencandypress.com). Michael has contributed to the Lady Gaga comic book from Bluewater Productions and has his hand in various other upcoming projects. Michael has performed stand-up comedy at all of the major comedy clubs in Los Angeles and is making his triumphant return to the main stage of The Comedy Store in September. Michael offers an off-beat sense of humor as the star of such youtube cult classics As The Gays on Film (www.youtube.com/fullfrontaltv), A Minute With Margot, a loving tribute to Superman legend Margot Kidder (http://www.youtube.com/user/rktcommander), and currently hosts a vlog style series Lethally Blonde over at www.monsterburg.com. Sitting alongside industry heavyweight Phil Jimenez at the “Divas and Lassoes” panel for the 2010 San Diego comic-con, Michael maintains and cherishes his “underground” status. A staunch believer in Blonde Ambition, Michael hopes his new comic about shallow blonde super heroes in Los Angeles, The Blonde Squad, will set the world on fire (or at least brighten it a bit). Check out Michael Troy and Lethally Blonde updates here!!!