By Michael Fitzgerald Troy
My newest guilty pleasure has to be Shark Tank, Friday nights on ABC. In this reality competition, the contestants (or would-be entrepreneurs, as it were) present their pitches for a business or product idea to the “Sharks” for investment consideration and business partnership. The sharks are made up of a panel of billionaire investors. Your goal is to get any shark to invest in your concept, and if not, you walk away with nothing, the least of which being your dignity.
The sharks are cool, calculated business investors, and I respect them much as I would a Great White in the wild tearing its razor-like teeth through the hide of some fuzzy, blubbery seal frantically swimming for its life, only to be gobbled up in the jaws of death, leaving behind an ominous crimson cloud of death. Let’s meet the sharks, shall we?
$5 billion real estate investor and Pisces Barbara Corcoran is shrewd and sassy but does so with a sly, knowing smile, as she is astute and definitely knows how to spend her money.
QVC queen Lori Grenier is a genius inventor with over 110 U.S. patents. She definitely can tell a thigh master from a Flowbee. On to the boys club, mmmkay?
Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban was named one of GQ‘s Men of the Year in 2007 and is worth 2.5 billion bucks. His cocksure personality and charm make him one of the more entertaining, if not arrogant, sharks.
Fashion mogul Daymond Johnson is cool as a cucumber and seems like one of the more difficult sharks to impress, as he seems to know instantly if he is in or out.
Technology pioneer Robert Herjavec is a more passive and seemingly more compassionate shark; he doesn’t seem as eager for the kill bite as most of the other sharklings.
Billion dollar software mogul Kevin O’Leary (or “Mr. Wonderful, as it were) has some of the more biting quips and seems to be one of the more bristly sharks, having sold his educational software to Mattel for $3.7 billion. Hey, this bull has my respect.
The sharks are shrewd, entreating, tough customers that aren’t easily impressed. Hey, they got my respect.
And, what would my pitch to the sharks be? My indecent comic book company Lethally Blonde Productions, of course! I’m asking for $150,000 for 40% of my company. Why would they want to invest in a niche market that notoriously makes no money? Because I make fun, interesting comics. And, fun interesting comics turn into movies and movie rights, and movies turn into franchises which lead to licensing and all kinds of cash flow. I’m the funniest and one of the most innovative minds that needs a life line from a shark. C’mon, sharkeys! Let’s negotiate!
Catch Shark Tank Friday nights on ABC. (No chum necessary!)
Michael Troy is a deeply superficial person. Born in the midwest in the ’70s, Michael came to Los Angeles to pursue his bi-polar career path as an actor and artist. 2005 saw the release of Michael’s first published book, Homo-Hero’s Big Book of Fun and Adventure (www.greencandypress.com). Michael has contributed to the Lady Gaga comic book from Bluewater Productions and has his hand in various other upcoming projects. Michael has performed stand-up comedy at all of the major comedy clubs in Los Angeles and is making his triumphant return to the main stage of The Comedy Store in September. Michael offers an off-beat sense of humor as the star of such youtube cult classics As The Gays on Film (www.youtube.com/fullfrontaltv), A Minute With Margot, a loving tribute to Superman legend Margot Kidder (http://www.youtube.com/user/rktcommander), and currently hosts a vlog style series Lethally Blonde over at www.monsterburg.com. Sitting alongside industry heavyweight Phil Jimenez at the “Divas and Lassoes” panel for the 2010 San Diego comic-con, Michael maintains and cherishes his “underground” status. A staunch believer in Blonde Ambition, Michael hopes his new comic about shallow blonde super heroes in Los Angeles, The Blonde Squad, will set the world on fire (or at least brighten it a bit). Check out Michael Troy and Lethally Blonde updates here!!!