By Michael Fitzgerald Troy
How exciting to watch the latest celebrity “very public nervous breakdown” occur; a little surprising that it was Demi Moore, who seemed to have her shinola together pretty well.
Sure her B.C./A.D. or May/December romance seemed to have a shelf life; let’s face it, you can only reupholster your Gucci bags so many times before you need a new place for your junk. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to see Demi and Ashton work as much as the next sucker for the worst case scenario, but don’t point your gnarled, old, Judge Judy finger at me if I can’t help but experience a little schadenfreude at the demise of yet another failed Hollywood Fairy tale (or 2-year contract as I like to think of them!). I liked St. Elmo’s Fire, but I liked…um…that one famous movie with Ashton, too!
It was easy at first to blame Ashton as the young buck with the wandering eye that couldn’t keep his pecker in check. Then, we find out Demi has been bats#!t for years, and nothing but a junkie addicted to Adderall and Red Bull. Totally not judging, as I doubt I could make it through my Keegle’s without a DieT Rocksta!r One time, my friend “Gabs” talked her shrink out of some Adderall, and I managed to clean my entire apartment while completing every quiz, all in 3 hours! Good times. Just sayin’. Hugs beat drugs. (Unless, we’re talking Xanax.) Surely, Demi lactating breast milk at Madonna’s brother on the dance floor should have been a warning, but hindsight is 20/40.
Seriously, I wish Ash and Dem all the best, wherever their paths take them. Just kidding, I don’t care either way. And, I thought Kabbalah would have saved them. I guess it just goes to show that a single red string doesn’t answer all of your problems. Unless, it’s cinnamon floss; that can get you out of all kinds of jams!
P.S. A couple of years ago, I literally almost ran into Ashton in the dining area of Fred Segal. He was tall.
Michael Troy is a deeply superficial person. Born in the midwest in the ’70s, Michael came to Los Angeles to pursue his bi-polar career path as an actor and artist. 2005 saw the release of Michael’s first published book, Homo-Hero’s Big Book of Fun and Adventure (www.greencandypress.com). Michael has contributed to the Lady Gaga comic book from Bluewater Productions and has his hand in various other upcoming projects. Michael has performed stand-up comedy at all of the major comedy clubs in Los Angeles and is making his triumphant return to the main stage of The Comedy Store in September. Michael offers an off-beat sense of humor as the star of such youtube cult classics As The Gays on Film (www.youtube.com/fullfrontaltv), A Minute With Margot, a loving tribute to Superman legend Margot Kidder (http://www.youtube.com/user/rktcommander), and currently hosts a vlog style series Lethally Blonde over at www.monsterburg.com. Sitting alongside industry heavyweight Phil Jimenez at the “Divas and Lassoes” panel for the 2010 San Diego comic-con, Michael maintains and cherishes his “underground” status. A staunch believer in Blonde Ambition, Michael hopes his new comic about shallow blonde super heroes in Los Angeles, The Blonde Squad, will set the world on fire (or at least brighten it a bit). Check out Michael Troy and Lethally Blonde updates here!!!