By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

Release the crack-whore! Okay, before we get started, let me just say that this is NOT an anti-Kardashian article. I’ve just been dying to use that opening line. I actually like the Kardashians. Really. Okay, I may be a little biased, as they were the catalyst for my 15 nano seconds of fame. I had the privilege of interviewing Kim (along with Carmen Electra) promoting Disaster Movie at Comic-Con in San Diego a few years back for a web show. They even aired 2 seconds of the infamous interview on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Thanks to E!’s heavy repeat rotation schedule, I’m recognized at the grocery store by my big gay voice to this day.

But, I digress; this is an article about the Kardashians, not me. Right? So, Kim has been in the news a little bit lately. Something about a 72-day marriage being a publicity stunt for some scratch or something. Can you imagine? Someone who rode Paris Hilton’s model for fame by being wildly famous for… For. For? (What is she famous for again?) Hey, you can say what you want about Kim Kardashian, but after meeting her, I can tell you that she is sweet and gorgeous and I really liked her. (See how I brought it back to me?)

In the eye of the storm is momager Kris Jenner. Kris is often accused of being opportunistic and money thirsty, manipulating her daughters to her own desires. I think she’s a smart business woman. If I had a gaggle of gorgeous daughters, I sure as hell would put them to work. It beats working in the fields or getting an education for that matter. I also met Kris during that fateful interview in San Diego and found her gorgeous and sweet as pumpkin pie. And, she hangs out with the ambiguously gay Abbey. Holla.

Sister Khloe has carved her own niche of fame as the doting wife of Lamar Blah blah and down-to-earth Twitter queen that is an inspiration to gals and gays alike. Go, Khloe! Woot! Woot!

Kortney is… Well, Kortney is… um, okay, the episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians I was in was “Kort’s First Cover Shoot.” That is all.

Patriarch Bruce is no Zeus. Jenner, often having the wool pulled over his nip/tucked eyes, is usually left out of the loop on important decisions like pet training and nude photo shoots. I hope they play up his patsy-ism for the cameras, as he seems like a nice guy. Soft spot in my heart once again for the Olympic super star that graced the front of my morning box of Wheaties during my childhood. Infancy, really. I don’t want to make myself sound like too much of a dinosaur. A blonde dinosaur? Can you imagine? Not to mention Bruce’s gold medal seed is responsible for spawning that box of yumminess Brody Jenner. Frost my flakes, baby.

The sole boy of the Kardashian brood is emerging from the shadow of his scintillating sisters as the self-described “dark horse” of this season’s Dancing with the Stars cast. He seems like a nice kid with a good head on his shoulders. Special props for being an up-and-coming gay icon, thanks to clever sister Khloe for touting him to her homosexual following. But, then again, we’ll latch onto anything described as horse-like. Saddle up, Ponyboy.

In the age of entitlement and America’s thirst for spoon-fed mediocrity, I think the timing is just perfect for the Kardashian dynasty. Everyone has their opinion of the Kardashians. (Apparently, it’s not on the DVR track list at the White House.) Reading more comedy than tran tragedy, though not exactly the Brady Bunch, they love each other and they mean well. So, whether you’re a mother or whether you’re a brother, I’ll be Keeping Up with the Kardashians. (See how I brought it back to me again?)

Keeping Up with the Kardahians airs on the E! Entertainment television network.

Michael Troy is a deeply superficial person. Born in the midwest in the ’70s, Michael came to Los Angeles to pursue his bi-polar career path as an actor and artist. 2005 saw the release of Michael’s first published book, Homo-Hero’s Big Book of Fun and Adventure (www.greencandypress.com). Michael has contributed to the Lady Gaga comic book from Bluewater Productions and has his hand in various other upcoming projects. Michael has performed stand-up comedy at all of the major comedy clubs in Los Angeles and is making his triumphant return to the main stage of The Comedy Store in September. Michael offers an off-beat sense of humor as the star of such youtube cult classics As The Gays on Film (www.youtube.com/fullfrontaltv), A Minute With Margot, a loving tribute to Superman legend Margot Kidder (http://www.youtube.com/user/rktcommander), and currently hosts a vlog style series Lethally Blonde over at www.monsterburg.com. Sitting alongside industry heavyweight Phil Jimenez at the “Divas and Lassoes” panel for the 2010 San Diego comic-con, Michael maintains and cherishes his “underground” status. A staunch believer in Blonde Ambition, Michael hopes his new comic about shallow blonde super heroes in Los Angeles, The Blonde Squad, will set the world on fire (or at least brighten it a bit). Check out Michael Troy and Lethally Blonde updates here!!!