By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

I don’t speak Themyscrian, but I can if you like. Hot on the heels of the announcement that Brian Azzarello would be changing up Wonder Woman‘s origin – that’s right, kiddies… it seems maybe she wasn’t born that way after all – I realized we haven’t seen hide nor hair of Wonder Woman’s baby sis. No! Not Debra Winger! (Who gives a magic lasso about that bloated old hag?!) I’m talking about everyone’s favorite hot mess. For years, we have been pondering, “Who is Donna Troy?” (No relation.) Now, I wanna know, where is Donna Troy?!

In the pre-Crisis DC Universe (If you don’t understand that reference, I don’t have the time, intelligence, and certainly not the patience to explain that one to you.), Donna Troy was rescued by Wonder Woman from a burning building with two unidentified corpses – presumably her parents – at her side. Wonder Woman took her to her home of Paradise Island instead of turning the infant in to child services. Donna was raised by an Island of Lesbians and literally made one of their own, when they genetically altered the toddler by shooting her with their magical purple ray. When she reached the proper age (12), she became Wonder Girl, an illegal vigilante fighting crime side-by-side with her adopted Amazonian sister, Wonder Woman, and joining a group of horny, teenage boys in short pants, The Teen Titans, as Wonder Girl. Ta da!

Marv Wolfman and George Perez tackled the mystery of who those corpses were in the now classic New Teen Titans‘ Who is Donna Troy? Apparently, her real parents were two horny teenagers without a condom that put her up for adoption. Her adopted parents were white trash who tried to adopt her under shady circumstances, and the deal went up in smoke when Lindsay’s meth pipe blew up. J/K – I was just seeing if you were still paying attention.

Cut to the cheese? Not just yet. Post-Crisis DC Universe Diana has no adopted sister. No problem… during legendary creator John Byrne’s run on Wonder Woman, he clears up any confusion and answers the question “Who is Donna Troy?” You see, Donna is a mirror image, avatar playmate of a young Princess Diana pulled from the looking glass with a little witch craft by the sea hag of Paradise Island. Only to be kidnapped by one of Wondy’s enemies (Dark Angel) and tortured over and over again, living out multiple lives with bad ends, not realizing it wasn’t Diana, essentially making Donna Diana’s doppelganger bitch.

Then, a bunch of other crap happened, and Phil Jimenez (whom I paneled with at Comic-Con for “Divas and Lassoes” a couple of years ago) gave Donna the best hair in the funny pages and did his best to set the record “straight” in his just dandy mini “Who is Donna Troy!”

Fast forward to the DC Nu Universe, and Donna is M.I.A. Where is my favorite hot mess? DC U got some ‘splainin’ to do. If it were up to me, I’d- nah, that would be telling.

Michael Troy is a deeply superficial person. Born in the midwest in the ’70s, Michael came to Los Angeles to pursue his bi-polar career path as an actor and artist. 2005 saw the release of Michael’s first published book, Homo-Hero’s Big Book of Fun and Adventure (www.greencandypress.com). Michael has contributed to the Lady Gaga comic book from Bluewater Productions and has his hand in various other upcoming projects. Michael has performed stand-up comedy at all of the major comedy clubs in Los Angeles and is making his triumphant return to the main stage of The Comedy Store in September. Michael offers an off-beat sense of humor as the star of such youtube cult classics As The Gays on Film (www.youtube.com/fullfrontaltv), A Minute With Margot, a loving tribute to Superman legend Margot Kidder (http://www.youtube.com/user/rktcommander), and currently hosts a vlog style series Lethally Blonde over at www.monsterburg.com. Sitting alongside industry heavyweight Phil Jimenez at the “Divas and Lassoes” panel for the 2010 San Diego comic-con, Michael maintains and cherishes his “underground” status. A staunch believer in Blonde Ambition, Michael hopes his new comic about shallow blonde super heroes in Los Angeles, The Blonde Squad, will set the world on fire (or at least brighten it a bit). Check out Michael Troy and Lethally Blonde updates here!!!