I was having an in-depth conversation about Wonder Woman with one of my "Wonder Friends," Rodney Ulibarri (a Wonder Friend being one of my friends who shares a healthy obsession with all things Wonder Woman), when we discovered we also shared a healthy obsession with Lady Gaga. Now, I realize that's not exactly a difficult nut to crack. I mean, they are both pretty appealing to a certain demographic, if you catch my drift... "The Gays," silly! Anyone who knows me knows that my obsession with Mother Monster is only slightly more irritating than my obsession with Wonder Woman.
See? As it turns out, you can have more than one time-consuming, expensive obsession at the same time.
We were talking about how much we loved her Super Bowl performance-and how awesome it was that she looked like a superhero. (Do you see where this is going?) I said she would make a great DCU villain. Rodney suggested Supergirl or The Flash, but I had loftier goals in mind... The DC Cinematic Universe!!!
"Okay, Circe then?" Rodney suggested. I hesitated. For some reason, it seemed wrong. Perhaps the difference in physical stature between LG and Gal Gadot - Gaga's a Pixie and Gal's an Amazon. Although I could see Gaga as a witch, but she kind of just did that, albeit briefly, on American Horror Story: Roanoke.
Just then, the clouds parted, and rays of light and hope shone down upon us. "Okay, Silver Swan?" Rodney retorted. Yaaaaaaaaaaaas! Yasssssssssssss! Rodney believed that the first Silver Swan was blonde and ethnic, like Lady Gaga. What? She's Italian! And if you mix in Marc Andreyko's genius take of turning Silver Swan into a pop singer over in Wonder Woman '77, we have epicness beyond epicness.
Picture it! New York 2020 An ominous, glowing orb skyrockets into Manhattan. The Swan's alien egg lands in the heart of Time Square. It hatches, revealing a slimy, frightened, disoriented Gaga. She unfurls her wings and flies off to the shock and awe of the usually unflappable New Yorkers. It doesn't take much time for the media to spread word of the new, strange visitor from another planet. (Bird World?) Or maybe she's an angel or something. I'll let Patty Jenkins sort out the details. It doesn't take long before some ne'er do well becomes aware of Gaga's existence. Exploiting her amazing voice and ability to fly, he transforms her into The Silver Swan in an evil plot to take down Wonder Woman for some reason or another.
Now, this would also be a good time to reveal that Wonder Woman actually CAN fly on the big screen. I can just see Gaga zipping around like a humming bird, assailing Diana with her sonic screams. And Gal swatting her aside like a gnat. Of course, WW frees SS of her captor's mind control and takes her to Themiscyra where she can live happily and sing for the Amazons, maybe cut an album, or at least host a karaoke night - there's gotta be a karaoke bar on Paradise Island. The top three songs being "I'm Every Woman," "Super Woman," and "I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar."
She has the acting chops, the singing chops, and false mutton chops, if need be, to pull it off.
So, if anyone in the loop is reading, make it so! Although I'm not sure if my little, gay heart could handle Gaga and Wondy in the same flick, I'd certainly be willing to find out.
Well, my "Little Amazons," thank you for indulging my superfan mega crossover fantasy. Thanks to Rodney for the idea. And thank God for social media for helping me spread the word.
See you next week, Wonder Babies. Be sure to check out, like, and post on the "I Am Wonder Fan" Facebook page. Also keep on keeping on with all things Wonder Woman. And run out and get your Lady Gaga concert tickets. You can bet I already have mine!