Not Your Grandma's Angels (Damn It to Hell!)

By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

 

Okay, I can admit I may be a bit partial (let's leave the unbiased journalism to the likes of televangelist Nancy Grace). Aside from being a screaming queen- I have a special, vested interest in Charlie's Angels, and I shall reveal such interests here for the first time. And, it goes something like this:


When I was a young queen... very young... I mean super young, the first blonde I ever fell in love with was Farrah Fawcett in her gripping portrayal of an all-American tomgirl-turned-private-crime-fighter, Jill Monroe. I was in love with her. She was everything I wanted to be and more. She was the most beautiful woman on the planet, and I had to stare at her iconic poster on the opposite wall of the bedroom I shared with my brother. I knew one day I'd grow up and kick booty on a skateboard with frosted, feathered, flawless hair. So far so good- yet with every fantasy lies therein a bit of tragedy. Oh yes, there was a tragedy. Picture it - the Midwest in the mid... (I was super young!). At the height of my Farrah Fever, I got a Farrah doll for my birthday! As luck would have it, my birthday falls right after Christmas and I got a fur coat for Farrah. Chillax, PETA, I am fairly certain it was faux. So, here's the rub- my mom was giving me a bath (I pitched a fit if I wasn't bathed daily), and my bratty little sister (Sorry, KJ, you're fab as all get out now, but you were possessed by a demon or something as a child) runs into the bathroom, fur clad Farrah in tow, giggling maniacally and launches F-squared into the tub. I scream in horror, fish Farrah from the Calgon-infused water, and reel in horror from her wet, kinky, nylon locks and toilet tank cover consistency ankle length white "fur" coat. Shattered. Scarred for life. Devastated. Devastated is what I was.

What the hell was the point of all of this rambling? Oh, yeah. Did I like ABC's new Charlie's Angels? I wish I could say I liked the new Charlie's Angels. Psyche! I totally wanted to hate it. And, it is a total bucket of crap. The opening sequence took a classic image from television history and turned it into an homage to a commercial for a white sale at Penney's. The new voice of Charlie is like Mr. Belvedere on Thorazine. (Be still my coma-induced heart.) Boring acting, boring story, and unmemorable casting. Boo hiss squared. Although I am hard pressed to speak against a Barrymore, shame on you, producer Drew. Your Halloween party two years ago was a lot more exciting, and I, for one, would have loved to see you and Dylan back in C.A.: Part 3- "kicking some ath!"

 

 


 

 

Michael Troy is a deeply superficial person. Born in the midwest in the '70s, Michael came to Los Angeles to pursue his bi-polar career path as an actor and artist. 2005 saw the release of Michael's first published book, Homo-Hero's Big Book of Fun and Adventure (www.greencandypress.com). Michael has contributed to the Lady Gaga comic book from Bluewater Productions and has his hand in various other upcoming projects. Michael has performed stand-up comedy at all of the major comedy clubs in Los Angeles and is making his triumphant return to the main stage of The Comedy Store in September. Michael offers an off-beat sense of humor as the star of such youtube cult classics As The Gays on Film (www.youtube.com/fullfrontaltv), A Minute With Margot, a loving tribute to Superman legend Margot Kidder (http://www.youtube.com/user/rktcommander), and currently hosts a vlog style series Lethally Blonde over at www.monsterburg.com. Sitting alongside industry heavyweight Phil Jimenez at the "Divas and Lassoes" panel for the 2010 San Diego comic-con, Michael maintains and cherishes his "underground" status. A staunch believer in Blonde Ambition, Michael hopes his new comic about shallow blonde super heroes in Los Angeles, The Blonde Squad, will set the world on fire (or at least brighten it a bit). Check out Michael Troy and Lethally Blonde updates here!!!

Last modified on Friday, 21 June 2013 01:34

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