I have always been so impressed with how fast you can run and how far you can jump. You should really consider entering Ninja Warrior, because I think you would have a serious chance at winning. You certainly climb beanstalks with no problem, so you would dominate any of the ropes obstacles. And if you whip out a feather or two, you will have an immediate flying advantage.
While you clearly have the moves, your artillery is also rather impressive, especially in the fireballs department. You are such a natural assassin that I would always feel safe from any threat as long as you were around. My only request is that you limit your star usage. I’m not asking you to go completely clean, but you on star is a little too psychedelic and high-speed for my comfort level.
I know you don’t speak much, and that’s okay. Your manual dexterity and battle skills don’t need to be accompanied by deep conversation. As long as you climb into your frog suit every once in awhile, we can do without verbal communication.
You keep going after Princess Peach, but Mario, why would you want to be with someone who just gets captured all the time? That must be exhausting—enough is enough already. It’s time to move on and let the princess fend for herself. Or let Luigi rescue her instead. You could use a vacation—and not the kind where you slide down a pipe and collect coins—a real vacation, away from cloud worlds and castles filled with lava pits. And since you will soon become so much more portable, we can go anywhere. But to start, how about next week I pick you up in my go-kart and we go out for pizza? What kind do you like—mushroom?