Simply Jack

Simply Jack (68)

Favorite '80s Comic Series: Strikeforce Morituri
Favorite '80s Hairstyle: Mullet (also, Fe-Mullet)
Favorite Decade: '80s

Ever wonder what would happen if Superman were bitten by a vampire? Or if Rogue drained all of the power from Galactus?  Maybe you wonder what Hellboy would be like after some Super Serum?  Yeah, those are cool ideas.  I suspect we’re about to get something like that in Veil #3.

There is this person at work.  You probably have someone like this at your job.  Yeah, she’s the Anti-Christ.  A combination of Dolores Umbridge and Lucifer, she is the epitome of efficiency with thought and movement.  Every action (or inaction) that she takes is meant to cause my downfall.  I’m not even being dramatic – it’s just the way it is.  She’s bad.

Anyway, apparently, Dexter has similar thoughts about his sister, Dee.  In Dexter’s Laboratory #1, we see our socially delayed young genius at the cusp of a great discovery, only to be “accidentally” thwarted by his sister.  I feel for the little guy.  Anyway, he has an idea so aggressive, so ‘out there,’ that I find myself a little uncomfortable with his Final Solution to Dee.

Yeah, I read it. It was good. You’ll read it, too. You’ll like it just like I did. So, why the attitude, you ask? Because this comic could be awesome . . . and now I have to wait for Issues #2-5 to find out. And, if it turns out to suck, then my faith in what little goodness is left in the world is that much more broken. I guess I’m like that girl who’s had her heart broken one too many times . . . and yet here I am writing another positive review. (I’m such a cheerleader masochist.) This time I’m going to focus on what could go wrong.

I skipped dinner tonight and am extra hungry.  I’ve been fantasizing about meatloaf and mac ‘n cheese and lasagna, and I could go on and on.  I won’t, because it’s late and I’m feeling compassionate (to you).  Bottom line is, a plate of everything sounds pretty good right about now.  Instead of eating tonight, I read Star Mage #1, the new IDW comic created by JC De La Torre with art by Ray Dillon.  It’s not half bad. If you want a big, ol’ plate of lasagna, mac 'n cheese, and meatloaf, this could be just what you’re looking for.

Not many of you know this about me, but I have this crazy corporate gig.  I wear a suit.  I arrive by 8 a.m., and I often work past 7 p.m.   As a result of this, I have the knowledge of the exact price the my soul goes for on any given day . . . and if it wasn’t so damn corrupted, I’d say I’m selling it at a bargain.  Today was just like the last several hundred days before; it was as if someone had sucked the dregs (all that’s left) of my soul out of my ear with a sharpened metal Capri Sun straw.

I’m a fat bastard.  Not, like, medically fat.  But, by my standards, fat.  So, what do I do?  I quit drinking (much to my editor’s chagrin. Apparently, I’m not only a better writer, but also a better person when drunk – go figure.), and I started working out.  Can I tell you how much it sucks to start working out as a 39-year-old fat man?  It sucks. I really, really, really miss being 21, thin, and in shape.

How does this impact the comic?  Stop asking stupid questions and read on.

For lunch today, I had French food – sausages and gravy with some fries.  And, it was so good.  For dinner, I had me some leftover Chinese smothered in Sriracha.  That was awesome, too.  But, you know what probably wouldn’t taste good?  French sausages and fries, mixed with leftover Chinese food with lots of Sriracha.  You just don’t mix those things, because some things just shouldn’t be mixed.  I’ll come back to mixing foods in a bit.  Wait for it.

Y’all read the last review of Apocalypse Al that I wrote, right?  Issue #1?  What with me whining that I can’t afford to collect another comic, and here I am all in love and shizzle?  Well, I just read the 2nd comic of the four-part series, and the story has changed.  So, get ready for a consistent review of me raving about the ridiculously entertaining series.

I just finished my preview of Veil, the comic Greg Rucka (writer who has written everything – if you don’t know him, I refer you to Google – he’s kind of a big deal) with art by Tony Fejzula.  Anyway, this comic got me thinking, and I’ll tell you about what.

Yep.  I had the same reaction.  Someone (IDW) decided to tie X-Files and TMNT in together and see what happens.  Like radishes and lobster, this is a combination you won’t soon forget. (Radishes and lobster is trademarked, btw – I invented it.)

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