Dear Mr. Cameron:

Per your request, I viewed your latest film, Avatar.  While I was entertained visually by the film, at no time throughout the two-and-a-half hours did I sprout a tail or have the opportunity to ride a flying dragon.  Given our discussion of this film being a “breakthrough,” I am disappointed that my 3D glasses did not meld to my face, allowing me to participate and interact with the characters. 

I regret to inform you that I have denied your request to be deemed “The King of the World.”  For the time being, you will continue to be referred to as “Titanic-boy.”  If you wish to appeal this decision, please submit your request in writing no later than 30 days after the posting of this letter (along with an autograph from the guy from Grandma’s Boy). 

I wish you the best of luck.  See you again in another twelve years.

Sincerely,

Barbra J. Dillon