By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

For the love of Paris Hilton. My helpful hints for rebuilding the Haus of Hilton.

Dear P-Hil,

First, let me say that I have loved and appreciated your genius for years! I loved your Guess ad, Carl’s Jr. ad, and every single season of The Simple Life on DVD! I loved your record; so bummed “Bette Davis Eyes” didn’t make the cut. Please put it on your next album! We even met a couple of times! One was at your signing of your book, How to Become an Heiress at Book Soup on Sunset Blvd. I slipped you a caricature I drew of you, and you smiled and said, “That’s hot!” The second time was on my birthday during the premiere of My Bloody Valentine 3D. My friend introduced me and told you it was my birthday. You smiled and said, “That’s hot!” God, I felt such a connection.

In your book, you offer the advice of trying on a heinous outfit and asking a friend to test her honesty and loyalty. If they say you look cute, look out! I will always be loyal and brutally, totally honest. And, compliment your hair.

Yes, it sucks donkey *#=! that your show on Oxygen got cancelled, and you were recently rated the #1 least favorite celebrity. Sure, you have had a few run-ins with the law and had to wear ugly clothes for community service.

Look on the bright side; you are a global icon, legend, and super star. So, let me make you a super hero. As the writer and artist of The Blonde Squad and Lady Gaga tribute book, I am the only artist capable of turning you into a super heroine. I’m thinking “Heiress Woman.” Many consider me a modern day Andy Warhol. (Okay, me and the woman at the grocery store.) Let me continue the legend. I want to make a Paris Hilton comic book! Call me. I think I lost your number!

Sincerely (XO),

Michael Fitzgerald Troy

P.S. I know this is borderline psychotic, but surely you’re used to that!

Michael Troy is a deeply superficial person. Born in the midwest in the ’70s, Michael came to Los Angeles to pursue his bi-polar career path as an actor and artist. 2005 saw the release of Michael’s first published book, Homo-Hero’s Big Book of Fun and Adventure (www.greencandypress.com). Michael has contributed to the Lady Gaga comic book from Bluewater Productions and has his hand in various other upcoming projects. Michael has performed stand-up comedy at all of the major comedy clubs in Los Angeles and is making his triumphant return to the main stage of The Comedy Store in September. Michael offers an off-beat sense of humor as the star of such youtube cult classics As The Gays on Film (www.youtube.com/fullfrontaltv), A Minute With Margot, a loving tribute to Superman legend Margot Kidder (http://www.youtube.com/user/rktcommander), and currently hosts a vlog style series Lethally Blonde over at www.monsterburg.com. Sitting alongside industry heavyweight Phil Jimenez at the “Divas and Lassoes” panel for the 2010 San Diego comic-con, Michael maintains and cherishes his “underground” status. A staunch believer in Blonde Ambition, Michael hopes his new comic about shallow blonde super heroes in Los Angeles, The Blonde Squad, will set the world on fire (or at least brighten it a bit). Check out Michael Troy and Lethally Blonde updates here!!!