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Featured Series

By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

 

L-U-V Madonna! Y-O-U, you wanna? Yes! Yes, I do. Madonna's new song leaked on the Internet, and I couldn't be happier. First, let me say how funny I think it is that EVERYTHING leaks on the internet these days. Look at Lady Gaga; she queefs and it "accidentally" leaks within seconds.

Madonna's new song, "Give Me All Your Love," has leaked and I liked it. At first listen, I immediately dismissed it as a rip off of Katy Perry's "Peacock," as it has that same '80s Cheerleader anthem vibe. After 150 plays on my iPod, it has grown on me tremendously. It just so happens to be a killer cardio song. God knows it made my time on the elliptical machine fly by like a ray of light today.

By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

 

Two of the loves of my life are Wonder Woman and The Golden Girls. Hey, if that makes me super gay, I don't want to be straight.

After my parents' lovely divorce, we went to live with my grandmother in North Las Vegas. Needless to say, it was a departure from Klinger's Hometown in the Midwest.

I remember being very young, and my siblings and I would climb into bed with our grandmother. (Or, "Nana" as her youthful ego mandated we address her.) My brother and sister and I would climb into bed in our pj's, my grandmother reeking of Vick's Vapo Rub.

By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

 

It's a darn good thing Pan Am makes international flights, because this week's episode was all over the place. Don't get me wrong, I am still in love with the concept, style, and potential of the series; I just think it is suffering a little bit of an identity crisis.

After 7 episodes, you would think it would be a little more solid in conception. This week had the girls boozing it up and playing truth or dare on the plane. Perhaps, this was an attempt to create a Sex and the City-type camaraderie amongst the otherwise chemistry-less cast. I like the girls, but there is a serious lack of buyable bonding betwixt them.

By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

 

Glamour and Glitter fashion and fame - Dazzler's my name! Say what? With the recent release of the Jem DVD box set, it got me reminiscing. I always had a love/hate relationship with the pink-haired pop punkette of the '80s. I truly, truly, truly enjoyed watching the Jem cartoon with my baby sister, Kelly. The drama of Jem vs. The Misfits was epic. Who needs Knots Landing when you have cat fights and day glow hairdos all rolled into one. (Just kidding, EVEYONE needs Knots Landing!) The hate part comes from my disdain for the dolls based on the cartoon. They were hideous with big, ole' jugheads of ghastly proportions. Not to mention the ugliest faces this side of 818. Ah well, it's the closest we'll ever get to a Xanadu cartoon! (OMG! That would be so cool!) And, it was good, damn it!

By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

 

'Cause I am not a word, I am not a line.

I am not a girl that can ever be defined.


Storm burst onto the comic scene in the '70s as a member of the all new, all different gaggle of rag tag outlaw mutants, the Uncanny X-men. A silver-haired, blue-eyed African Goddess, she had me at "hullo." Created by Len Wein and designed by Dave Cockrum, her original costume is my favorite to date. (Although, Tim Gunn would likely have a field day with it. "Who is this woman and where is she going? She looks like a drag queen prostitute attending a hooker convention!")

Nice Bieber!

By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

 

I don't get it. The first time I heard of Justin Bieber, I had overheard two middle-aged women talking about a recent talk show appearance, getting more hot and bothered the more they talked about the pubescent pop sensation.

What are they saying? Beaver? Beeper? Ah, who gives a crap? I don't get it.

By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

 

Release the crack-whore! Okay, before we get started, let me just say that this is NOT an anti-Kardashian article. I've just been dying to use that opening line. I actually like the Kardashians. Really. Okay, I may be a little biased, as they were the catalyst for my 15 nano seconds of fame. I had the privilege of interviewing Kim (along with Carmen Electra) promoting Disaster Movie at Comic-Con in San Diego a few years back for a web show. They even aired 2 seconds of the infamous interview on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Thanks to E!'s heavy repeat rotation schedule, I'm recognized at the grocery store by my big gay voice to this day.

By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

 

Put your trays in the upright position and prepare for landing. Although it hasn't been exactly smooth sailing for ABC's nighttime soap about Barbies in the sky, it has gotten better with each episode, and this week proves to be no exception, as we finally delve into the background of my favorite stewardess, Maggie (portrayed by the always fabulous Christina Ricci).

As much as I cared for the feisty, pint-sized pixie with a bit of a mouth on her, there seemed to be something a little manufactured and forced about the character and now we know why. It seems Maggie doesn't officially meet up to Pan Am's strict policies of Stepford perfection. She's a fraud. A fake. She doesn't even speak Portuguese for the love of Cuban Pete! She learned it from her tyrannical Portuguese boss as- gasp! A waitress! Not that there's anything wrong with that. I come from a long line of proud hash slingers.

By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

 

Mr. Spock is gay. Sort of, but not really. So, Zachary Quinto (Heroes), who played Mr. Spock in J. J. Abrams' genius re-imagining of the Star Trek franchise, is gay. Yuh huh. He came out of the closet. To be honest, for me, he fell under that category of celebrities that seemed obviously gay to me and shocked everyone else. You know, like Ricky Martin or Rosie O'Donnell.

Being the big Zen/Queen that I am, I'm all about balance and ying and yang and all that bull crap, but I've never understood why so many actors stay in the closet and who these headless people are that think they are straight. I understand to an extent. Breeders- er, straight people, rather- do have a ways to go before completely accepting the homosexual population. I suppose I would be less bitter if I didn't live in a state where "gay marriage" was legal for five minutes. A woman's right to vote should go by the wayside next, don'tcha think? Absurd? Yes. Any who, I think actors are afraid to be pigeonholed if they come out. Zach came out and immediately broke the mold by playing a neurotic, gay interior designer on my new favorite show on FX, American Horror Story. Way to break the mold, Zachy baby. I lost plenty of roles I was born to play to straight actors. Once again, not bitter.

I wondered how Trekkies felt about homosexuality, and it would make sense that forward thinking wouldn't even call it to your attention in Star Trek land. In the future, dare I say it.. might there even be a "cure" for homosexuality? (Gasp!) Which brings me to my next point...

Homosexuality is logical. A good friend of mine said his father viewed it as nature's way of population control. Duh. That always made so much sense to me. If we can't overpopulate this mud ball, at least we can decorate it.

First Sulu, now Spock? The future is teeming with fairies. Beam me up!!!

I think higher-profile actors like Zach Quinto and Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie Howser, Jr. Gynecologist has a terrible ring to it!) coming out is a good thing. I hope this paves the way and inspires others to be brave and proud of who they are! Yes, Richard Simmons, I'm talking to you.

P.S. I'm gay.

 

 

 


 

 

Michael Troy is a deeply superficial person. Born in the midwest in the '70s, Michael came to Los Angeles to pursue his bi-polar career path as an actor and artist. 2005 saw the release of Michael's first published book, Homo-Hero's Big Book of Fun and Adventure (www.greencandypress.com). Michael has contributed to the Lady Gaga comic book from Bluewater Productions and has his hand in various other upcoming projects. Michael has performed stand-up comedy at all of the major comedy clubs in Los Angeles and is making his triumphant return to the main stage of The Comedy Store in September. Michael offers an off-beat sense of humor as the star of such youtube cult classics As The Gays on Film (www.youtube.com/fullfrontaltv), A Minute With Margot, a loving tribute to Superman legend Margot Kidder (http://www.youtube.com/user/rktcommander), and currently hosts a vlog style series Lethally Blonde over at www.monsterburg.com. Sitting alongside industry heavyweight Phil Jimenez at the "Divas and Lassoes" panel for the 2010 San Diego comic-con, Michael maintains and cherishes his "underground" status. A staunch believer in Blonde Ambition, Michael hopes his new comic about shallow blonde super heroes in Los Angeles, The Blonde Squad, will set the world on fire (or at least brighten it a bit). Check out Michael Troy and Lethally Blonde updates here!!!

By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

 

Come listen to a story about a man named Jed, poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed. Then, one day, he was shootin' for some food, and up from the ground came a bubblin' crude... oil that is. Black gold. Texas tea. Well, next thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire. Is that the theme to the Real Housewives of Beverly Hillbillies? Not hardly. I think if old Jed had been warned about the Harpies of Beverly Hills, he and his kinfolk may have happily stayed in the Ozarks, pooping in a broom closet in the back yard.

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