Wonder BOY Wednesday: What It Feels Like for a Girl

"Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short,
Wear shirts and boots
'Cause it's OK to be a boy.
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading
But, secretly, you'd love to know what it's like,
Wouldn't you
What it feels like for a girl"


Madonna used this quote from the film, The Cement Garden, to introduce her 2001 hit single, "What It Feels Like for a Girl," from her highly successful Music album. As we will be taking about gender equality and representation, it seemed an apropos way to introduce this week's #WonderBOYWednesday column. Yes, my dears, you read that correctly - just for the fun of it, this week, it's #WonderBOYWednesday. (We'll return to our regularly scheduled, gender-specific title next #WonderWomanWednesday!)

Inequality is a huge issue in this country, and misogyny seems to be alive and well despite the efforts of Rosie the Riveter, Gloria Steinam, Madonna, and even Wonder Woman herself.

This was made painfully apparent to me when President Obama was chosen to run for president over Hillary Clinton. I had wrongfully assumed the country was way more racist than sexist. I never dreamed we would see a black president in the office before we would see a female commander in chief. Apparently, I was wrong.

Don't get me wrong: Racial inequality is worse than ever and, sadly, seems to be on a further decline. It seems the more we progress in technology, the more we regress as a society. Two steps forward and two steps back. So much for the balance of the universe.

The comic book world has suffered a lot due to sexism and gender equality, especially in recent years. It was one thing in the '50s when it was generally accepted that Superman would bring home the bacon and Wonder Woman would be happy to fry it up in a pan. Although that laser bastard could probably fry a pound of Oscar Mayer in no time flat with that ever-so-handy heat vision. But, it's 2016, people. We know better. Dr. Maya Angelou famously said, "When you know better, you do better." Well, where is it? I (in)famously say, "I still have faith in humanity, I'd just like a better showing. Where is it?"

Comics have come under fire for portraying females as sex objects in poses a hair shy from pornography. We all remember the Spider-Woman controversy, no? Females become further alienated by the unwelcoming, male-dominated demographic by harassing and possibly assaulting con-attending cosplayers. (No wonder you can't get a date, nerd brains!) At any rate, the genre could use a little gender unity healing in my humble opinion.

In an odd way of reverse sexism, we come to the point of this week's column. Yes! I have a point, believe it or not! But, I digress . . . 

So, Batman has a female protege in Batgirl. Superman has a female protege in Supergirl. Wonder Woman has a female protege in Wonder Girl. Batman has a male protege in Robin. Superman has a male protege in Superboy. Wonder Woman has a male protege in . . . No one?!? That's right - there has never been a "Wonder Boy." What the hell? Er, I mean . . . How can that be?

I think that the answer lies in the quote I began this article with. Wonder Woman was and probably still is largely viewed as a "girls' comic." (Not that there's anything wrong with that!) We see it all the time. "You throw like a girl." "You run like a girl." People hardly consider Wonder Woman a role model for boys. So, I could imagine they wouldn't have ever wanted to have a male version of her that little boys would look up to. That certainly would be confusing, wouldn't it? I happen to know quite a few guys that grew up with Wonder Woman as a huge influence and role model. Present company included! I think the closest we got to a Wonder Boy was a tease during Phil Jimenez's run on Wonder Woman. I wonder what his intentions there were?

As much of an oversight as it is to have no Wonder Boy, I say it's never too late! And, I have just the way to introduce him to the WW myth. Lucky you! So, Donna Troy lost her marbles and led a charge of disobedient Amazons who slaughtered all of the male Amazons? (The male Amazons being the discarded male Amazon offspring who are left to a life as weapon makers! Haven't you been reading? Things have gotten rough since the days of clay and roses, kids!) Or did she?

Perhaps there's a survivor. Perhaps she missed an attractive, young blonde (Hey, it's my fan fic.) man. In an attempt to redeem Donna, Wonder Woman appoints her as the ward to the orphan Manazon. To atone her sins, she must groom and train the young man as the first Wonder Boy! (Wow! I think I just had a fangasm!) Of course, neither one of them would be thrilled with it. She killed his peeps. And well, she killed his peeps. But, over time, they will grow to like each other, and it would make a great screwball comedy on NetFlix!

Well, no matter how they do it, I, for one, would love nothing more than to see a Wonder Boy!

I guess that wraps it up for this week! Until next week! Make sure you keep your invisible seat belts fastened and be sure you check out my new Facebook page, "S#i! Amazons Say." If you like Wonder Woman and you like Robot Chicken, you'll love it!

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