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Queen Hippolyta: Back in Blonde!

By Michael Fitzgerald Troy

 

I was a little harsh in my review of DC's Nu 52 direction for Wonder Woman. Okay, way harsh. Maybe I was having my period. Just one of those days; don't take it personal. I'm not always like this. Enough with the menstrual jokes, I promise! It's just hard to resist when reviewing Wonder Woman.

The good news is all is forgiven. In Issue #2 of the new Wonder Woman, Queen Hippolyta is revealed and she is blonde! All of my prayers have been answered. As much as I love George Perez (and, I love me some George Perez!), it always chapped my ass that he gave Hippo a raven Jheri curl post-Crisis on Infinite Earths. I know it makes more sense to have a "which one is the daughter, which one is the mother" moment, but I have a soft spot in my heart for platinum-tressed divas, being of the blonde tribe myself. (What can I tell you, I was born this way!)

 

*Spoilers, bitches!*


Brian Azzarello and Cliff Chiang do a bang up job telling this modern Greek tragedy. Zeus can't keep his pecker in his toga and knocks up some white trash chick. Diana is asked by Hermes (who looks a lot less like the FTD Floral Fairy in this depiction) to hide Zeus' bastard offspring from Zeus' wife and Queen of the gods, Hera. Hippolyta warns her daughter that Hera's jealous wrath is not just legend but fact, and she will cut a bitch who betrays her.


Hermes recants the "legend" of Diana's origin, how a desperate Hippolyta sculpted a baby from clay (sans the aid of Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore no less), prayed to the gods for a child, and - poof - Wonder Woman was born without the aid of man seed.

Naturally, Hera's been tuning in since the beginning and is pissed. There is a price to pay for sleeping with the Queen of the Gods' hubby. (Best Little Whore House in Olympus the musical NOT coming soon!) Hera's creepy daughter, Strife, offers to lend a hand to Mommie Dearest and deliver Diana a bitch slap, Demi-god style. Going to Diana, she reveals that Wonder Woman isn't a lump of divine play-doh after all, but Zeus' horny urge. Apparently, Zeus knocked up Hippolyta and it was covered by the Gumby like lie. Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline. I give Azzarello huge props for solving the "problem" with Wonder Woman. I feel many writers don't know how to make her relatable to readers. Now, she's a Goddess, bitches; she don't need to relate!

With this drama of the gods, who cares if Dynasty and Knots Landing are off the air. Brian Azzarello and Cliff Chiang's Wonder Woman is the sauciest nighttime soap that comic books have to offer.

 

 


 

 

Michael Troy is a deeply superficial person. Born in the midwest in the '70s, Michael came to Los Angeles to pursue his bi-polar career path as an actor and artist. 2005 saw the release of Michael's first published book, Homo-Hero's Big Book of Fun and Adventure (www.greencandypress.com). Michael has contributed to the Lady Gaga comic book from Bluewater Productions and has his hand in various other upcoming projects. Michael has performed stand-up comedy at all of the major comedy clubs in Los Angeles and is making his triumphant return to the main stage of The Comedy Store in September. Michael offers an off-beat sense of humor as the star of such youtube cult classics As The Gays on Film (www.youtube.com/fullfrontaltv), A Minute With Margot, a loving tribute to Superman legend Margot Kidder (http://www.youtube.com/user/rktcommander), and currently hosts a vlog style series Lethally Blonde over at www.monsterburg.com. Sitting alongside industry heavyweight Phil Jimenez at the "Divas and Lassoes" panel for the 2010 San Diego comic-con, Michael maintains and cherishes his "underground" status. A staunch believer in Blonde Ambition, Michael hopes his new comic about shallow blonde super heroes in Los Angeles, The Blonde Squad, will set the world on fire (or at least brighten it a bit). Check out Michael Troy and Lethally Blonde updates here!!!

 

Last modified on Friday, 21 June 2013 01:34