Oh, how the McLane hath fallen! A Good Day to Die Hard, the fifth installment of the once popular series, is easily the worst entry and greatest offender to what made the original so wonderful. Let me count the ways.
Kathryn Bigelow's new movie is a straight-laced depiction of the events up to and including the killing of Osama bin Laden. It starts with frantic, real life 9-1-1 phone calls from inside the twin towers on that doomed morning and ends with a dead bin Laden. It's the beginning and end we all know regardless of this movie. Zero Dark Thirty, however, concerns itself mostly with the ten years in between the two: the operations, the agencies involved, the bureaucratic hurdles, and the ridiculous amount of planning based on the best-guess scenario that Osama was in that compound one mile from Pakistan's version of West Point.
Everyone wants to go back to the Shire. That’s what The Lord of the Rings trilogy created, anyway: an intense desire to escape Middle America in lieu of Middle Earth. So, with The Hobbit, Peter Jackson tries to deliver the same magic he bandied with The Lord of the Rings in an effort to bring more narrative to Tolkien’s collective masterpiece. Unfortunately, it’s obvious he falls short from a myriad of issues – mainly length and characters - but in so doing still delivers an acceptable movie well worth the price of admission.
God Bless America is the latest entry from Bobcat Goldthwait, the stand-up comedian turned movie showman whose last film, World’s Greatest Dad, was a surprisingly hilarious and often indicting tale about how death has the tendency to turn even the vilest of human beings into icons of good-nature, cheer, and righteousness.
"WANTED: Someone to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. You get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety Not Guaranteed. I have only done this once before."
So reads the classified ad underlying one of the more enjoyable experiences I had at the movies this summer. It's based on an actual event in 1997 wherewith free space, a writer for Backwoods Home Magazine was tasked by his editor to come up with fillers, so the classified page to the magazine wasn't riddled with white space.*
Items of such entertaining triviality rarely make interesting moving pictures. Off the top of my head, I can think of another Internet phenomenon that made for a questionable movie: Epic Beard Man became Bad A--. Danny Trejo in a fanny-pack? Pass. Mark Duplass as a neurotic grocery clerk who may or may not be a quantum physics-genius? I'm interested, but it'll have to be good.
For a remake like this, the only thing a person really cares about harkens back to one of the most famous sequences in all of cinema. It was a simple scene. Nothing fancy. Yet, it still fuels the fantasies of many a teenage boy.
Rest assured, the three-t----d chick is back. Briefly. But, she's there.