Simply Jack, Fanbase Press Guest Contributor

Simply Jack, Fanbase Press Guest Contributor

Ya’ll know about the movie Nightbreed, right?  It was all based on this book, Cabal, and many of you mutants and freaks (like me) found great comfort in the story of misunderstood ‘monsters’ living a peaceful existence in Midian until hunted down by a couple of monstrous humans.  It’s basically apre-cursor to the whole ‘fractured fairy tale’ genre thing that hit the '90s and resulted in the entire millennial generation coming to be, but you can’t really blame Nightbreed for that, and I’m digressing.

Anyway, Clive Barker made the movie, and it kinda failed but didn’t to us, because we loved it and found hope in it.  Voila! The history of Nightbreed has been taught by Simply Jackm and we can move on . . .

‘Sup.  I just finished the 7th Sword #2 by our good friend, Johnny Raffo.  I liked it, but I knew I would, which is why I volunteered for this review in the first place.  For those of you who didn’t read my review for 7th Sword #1, do so.  For the rest of you, the ride continues smoothly and without a hitch.

I’m going to do something different with this review.  I’ll write it using only quotes from Black Dynamite #2.  This should give you all the reason in the world to buy it. (Anything in italics is from the comic.)

Ever wonder what would happen if Superman were bitten by a vampire? Or if Rogue drained all of the power from Galactus?  Maybe you wonder what Hellboy would be like after some Super Serum?  Yeah, those are cool ideas.  I suspect we’re about to get something like that in Veil #3.

There is this person at work.  You probably have someone like this at your job.  Yeah, she’s the Anti-Christ.  A combination of Dolores Umbridge and Lucifer, she is the epitome of efficiency with thought and movement.  Every action (or inaction) that she takes is meant to cause my downfall.  I’m not even being dramatic – it’s just the way it is.  She’s bad.

Anyway, apparently, Dexter has similar thoughts about his sister, Dee.  In Dexter’s Laboratory #1, we see our socially delayed young genius at the cusp of a great discovery, only to be “accidentally” thwarted by his sister.  I feel for the little guy.  Anyway, he has an idea so aggressive, so ‘out there,’ that I find myself a little uncomfortable with his Final Solution to Dee.

Yeah, I read it. It was good. You’ll read it, too. You’ll like it just like I did. So, why the attitude, you ask? Because this comic could be awesome . . . and now I have to wait for Issues #2-5 to find out. And, if it turns out to suck, then my faith in what little goodness is left in the world is that much more broken. I guess I’m like that girl who’s had her heart broken one too many times . . . and yet here I am writing another positive review. (I’m such a cheerleader masochist.) This time I’m going to focus on what could go wrong.

I skipped dinner tonight and am extra hungry.  I’ve been fantasizing about meatloaf and mac ‘n cheese and lasagna, and I could go on and on.  I won’t, because it’s late and I’m feeling compassionate (to you).  Bottom line is, a plate of everything sounds pretty good right about now.  Instead of eating tonight, I read Star Mage #1, the new IDW comic created by JC De La Torre with art by Ray Dillon.  It’s not half bad. If you want a big, ol’ plate of lasagna, mac 'n cheese, and meatloaf, this could be just what you’re looking for.

Not many of you know this about me, but I have this crazy corporate gig.  I wear a suit.  I arrive by 8 a.m., and I often work past 7 p.m.   As a result of this, I have the knowledge of the exact price the my soul goes for on any given day . . . and if it wasn’t so damn corrupted, I’d say I’m selling it at a bargain.  Today was just like the last several hundred days before; it was as if someone had sucked the dregs (all that’s left) of my soul out of my ear with a sharpened metal Capri Sun straw.

I’m a fat bastard.  Not, like, medically fat.  But, by my standards, fat.  So, what do I do?  I quit drinking (much to my editor’s chagrin. Apparently, I’m not only a better writer, but also a better person when drunk – go figure.), and I started working out.  Can I tell you how much it sucks to start working out as a 39-year-old fat man?  It sucks. I really, really, really miss being 21, thin, and in shape.

How does this impact the comic?  Stop asking stupid questions and read on.

For lunch today, I had French food – sausages and gravy with some fries.  And, it was so good.  For dinner, I had me some leftover Chinese smothered in Sriracha.  That was awesome, too.  But, you know what probably wouldn’t taste good?  French sausages and fries, mixed with leftover Chinese food with lots of Sriracha.  You just don’t mix those things, because some things just shouldn’t be mixed.  I’ll come back to mixing foods in a bit.  Wait for it.

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