I’m desperately and madly in love with you.
I told you, those are not words for the faint of heart.
I’m sure you don’t want to hear how or why I came to this conclusion, so here it goes.
SPOILER ALERT for The Walking Dead television series
(Just in case you or anyone else is behind on your tale of survival within the world of walkers and one-eyed governors, you may want to avert your eyes to something more pleasant such as watching Glenn get unintentionally knocked into a flesh-eating mob of undead humans, only to be made worse due to the camera angles not allowing you to determine what happened to him for almost two months. I digress, however, and I’ll talk more about Glenn later.)
My appropriately morbid fascination started when I first laid eyes on you back during the second season of The Walking Dead during the second episode of the season called “Blood Letting” which originally aired October 23, 2011, at 9/8 p.m./C on the AMC network. I don’t remember the exact minute you first appeared that evening, although no worries there, as that would just be plain creepy.
Being a bit of a country boy myself, I immediately found myself drawn to your killer smile, southern accent, and the authoritative way you could ride a horse with a cowboy hat on. (No really! While admittedly my mind went to the gutter too, I was genuinely impressed by how comfortable you looked riding that steed.)
As the series wore on, I became further enamored with not only how intelligent you are, but what a caring soul lay beneath the beauty and how you put family above all else. Once I saw how adept you were at handling my good friend, Smith & Wesson, my heart was a melted puddle of walker brains.
After such a passionate confession, I feel it’s only fair to address the 150-pound Asian elephant in the room. I know you have feelings for Glenn, and the man would throw himself on the staff for you any chance he had. Nevertheless, I could offer you so much more! When I figure out what those things are, I promise to detail them in my next letter. I even realize that you and Glenn are to the point of bringing a child into the world. To show you how big my heart is, I’d make sure that child finds a safe home, with a great family (most likely with that new Negan fellow who sounds as if he is a great father figure).
I know you are currently covered in undead entrails trying to restore order to a small town overrun by the undead, so I will end this for now and let this letter simmer in your mind.
Until I write again,
Hayden Lawrence (a.k.a. Geek Outlaw)
P.S. It looks like your home in Alexandria may have been overrun with formerly alive, decaying cannibals, so please do let me know your new address when you have one. Please?