The Fanboy Comics Rating Agency (consisting of FBC President Bryant Dillon, two cans of Monster energy drink, and Bryant’s imaginary friend, Floyd the womp rat) announced Friday that it has downgraded the geek credit rating of many top ranked figures in Geekdom.
“The downgrade reflects our opinion that these once worthy and geeky figures now, in current times, fall short of what, in our view, would be necessary to stabilize their own geek cred dynamics in the Geekdom community,” the agency said about the move. The downgrade was announced after the FBC Rating Agency completed some truly bad-@$$ rounds of Halo: Reach (online multiplayer, of course).
Below is a list of the affected geek parties and an explanation from the Fanboy Comics Rating Agency regarding why each party received the greek cred downgrade.
1. George Lucas and Steven Spielberg While the agency cannot ignore the past work from these cinematic geek figures, they have both been running on the fumes of their past victories for some time now. The agency contributes the majority of this downgrade to the horrible ramifications of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This one stroke felled both titans of Geekdom and almost sucked geek figure Harrison Ford down, as well. While Lucas was sunk by the Star Wars prequels, Spielberg may have faired better if not for attaching his name to such toxic geek stocks as Michael Bay’s Transformers and the underwhelming Super 8. The future outlook for both parties is uncertain as rumors of Indy 5 continue to make any cautious geek nervous.
2. DC Comics The agency stated that, while DC was poised for either potential glory or failure with the New 52 reboot, many recent signs have spelled out disaster. Dan DiDio’s outburst at San Diego Comic-Con after being questioned about the small percentage of female creators, DC’s lackluster New 52 trailer, and Superman’s choice of jeans and a t-shirt as his official outfit have left many geeks unsure of DC’s place in Geekdom’s future. The final nail in the coffin for the agency was the failure of DC and the WB to make Green Lantern fly. It was particularly troubling to the agency to see DC emulate Marvel Studios’ habit of having a post-credit bonus scene. Not only was the scene inadequate, but DC clearly demonstrated that they are playing follow-the-leader.
3. Marvel and Disney Unfortunately, Marvel did not escape downgrade by the agency. In what should have been a stellar year, given the success of Thor and Captain America: The First Avenger, Marvel and Disney made some inopportune decisions that resulted in fan disappointment. In a fairly cold and obviously ill-advised move, Marvel’s presence was minimal at San Diego Comic-Con this year, and the Marvel based events at Disney’s D23 convention failed to live up to the necessary requirements in the general geek consensus (although, the Avengers’ footage did sound uber-cool!). While the agency says it can be understood why Disney chose to make this business decision, it is the equivalent of yanking Marvel’s comics from the comic book retailers and selling them only in Disney stores. Perhaps, better put, it is just really dumb. Also, the agency recommended that Disney’s chief technical officer Andy Hendrickson be barred from speaking ever again on any planet or dimension. If Marvel and Disney ever wish to regain their geek cred rank back, they’ll need to come to the conclusion that story matters… or at least be smart enough to shut up about it.
4. The SyFy Channel While the agency feels that the SyFy Channel has been gradually moving further and further away from science-fiction and genre entertainment, they stated that the change from “Sci-Fi” to “SyFy” was so insanely wrong in every sense that it warranted an immediate geek cred downgrade.
5. Wizard Magazine Once the lead comic book magazine out there, Wizard really took a nose dive this year, according to the agency. Troubling signs first showed when the magazine changed format and essentially became a monthly “top twenty” list. Pages that were once full articles became full page photos with blurbs. This strong movement from “cool” to “lame” was soon followed by the cancellation of the magazine. Subscribers were told by Wizard that they would have their subscriptions replaced by one of many boring alternative magazines. Then, they didn’t even bother to fulfill that promise. Along with the downgrade, the agency wants Wizard to know that they’re still waiting!!!
So far, no reactions have been reported to the news and no one has called to comment.
Bryant Dillon spoke for the Fanboy Comics Rating Agency on Friday, and, while he stated that these downgrades in geek cred don’t have to be permanent, he also said much more work needs to be done. He then handed the floor over to the agency’s second in command, Floyd the imaginary womp rat, who added nothing.
